My depression, that is. Or that’s the only explanation I have for the way I’ve been feeling. Ever since I got back from Flipside I’ve been stressed and anxious. There was so much on my to-do list and not the time or energy to do it. Now I just don’t *want* to. Not wanting to […]
**trigger warning** We have to be able to talk about suicide
A queer and homeless acquaintance posted a suicide note on FB tonight. He was an activist and friends were able to mobilize and locate him. He is now checked into the hospital. But I just saw him last night at Free & Queer film night. He sat beside me and laughed and blew bubbles as […]
Life and Death
I know I haven’t written for a while. But a lot of things have converged lately that I want to try to make sense of. Jose Esteban Munoz died earlier this week. I drew heavily from his book Cruising Utopia for my thesis. While academic research is often framed as a conversation, I always entertained […]
The Power of Words
I’m usually not a huge fan of labels. I prefer to self-identify in ambiguous terms. Life is complicated and if I learned anything in graduate school it’s that dichotomies are always false, if easier for the human brain to comprehend sometimes. That said, sometimes naming something can be really useful. I’ve always known I can […]
Metaphors
Maybe it’s because I am (was?) an English major. Maybe it’s because I am fairly introspective. But today a few situations in my life which are metaphors for my mind-state about other situations came to the surface. I’ve been trying to finish up some crafty projects lately during my time between calls at work, including […]
Inertia
I think I’m suffering from inertia. Like, an object in motion will stay in motion and an object at rest will stay at rest unless acted upon by an outside force. This was an especially bad week at work. But even so, I can see the larger pattern now. I’m just so exhausted all the […]
What are the odds?
I’m a pretty introspective person. That’s why I have a blog, for instance. I know that creating narratives is an important facet of human experience, and that how we make sense of our experiences and lives matters. I was re-reading this book I picked up over the summer, Hardcore Zen. And I was thinking that maybe […]
Contientious Objecter
I’ve hardly gotten anything productive done this weekend. Thinking about going to work tomorrow puts my stomach in knots. I might be able to do substitute teaching, but it doesn’t pay well and the work isn’t guaranteed. So if they hire me I still need to find something else to do part-time. And that’s proving […]
New Year; Old Problems
It’s January. Can I just say, “Holy Hell, how did this happen?!?” Wasn’t it just November yesterday? I really thought I would have found a new job by January. That was kind of the plan in my head even if I hadn’t set it in stone. And while I looked and applied some yesterday, there […]
Paying the Rent
So I’ve really been struggling with my job. I work 10:00-6:30pm with a half-hour commute and leaving early enough to get coffee and get settled in the AM which means 8 hours of getting paid to work really equals 10 hours of my day. I chose that shift so I could theoretically get 8 hours […]