I think all humans both require and on some level fear change, or are at least resistant to it.
No matter how much I yearn for change, the closer it comes, the more anxious I become.
I also tend to get nostalgic for the good parts of my life – probably a coping mechanism in my lizard brain trying to make me believe that change is bad for me.
There are things I will miss about this place.
I am fiercely grateful for the wonderful people I have met here, and I know their love and friendship is what got me through the greater part of this year.
But if loving someone was enough to make me stay, I never would have moved to Texas in the first place.
I had wonderful friends back East, too.
Routine makes us feel safe, but when it turns into a rut it can be suffocating.
I know deep down that this is the right choice for me, and as the time to move has approached, I have felt more and more rejuvenated.
I know it is the unknown I fear.
But I also feel confident I can handle whatever comes my way.
I am more equipped with resources this time around and know the pitfalls of relocation better.
Also, thanks to social media, I have more resources for meeting new people via FB groups and events.
There’s a part of me still in disbelief that all of this came together somehow.
But I have signed a lease and submitted my new hire paperwork.
My last day at this job is Friday and the next two days will be spent packing and doing a last load of laundry.
There is a deeper calm below the anxiety.
Change is hard but change is also growth.
And I have learned a lot this year about who I am and what I want and need out of life and what I am willing to tolerate and what I can endure.
I am grateful for those lessons and also ready to move on to something new.
I am continually astonished and blessed by the Universe’s ability to meet our needs when we say what we want and don’t back down.
You have to put in the work, but if you make your desires known, eventually, something will happen.
Maybe not in the way you expect or plan.
Really hardly ever that way.
But SOME thing WILL happen if you put your will out there, do the work, and are prepared to accept whatever the consequences of your actions might be (i.e. expect the worst and hope for the best).
So never fear.
If you’re going through Hell, keep on going.
I’m headed toward the light at the end of this tunnel, anyway.