The stories we tell matter.
Eating during the pandemic has been a continual struggle. Since I live alone, before the pandemic I would normally do meal prep once a week, cooking 2 meals with 6-7 servings a piece that can be lunch and dinner, and… Read moreFeeding Myself Through the Pandemic
A bedroom, which looks like it’s been hit by a tornado. Papers, clothes, and books are scattered everywhere, in piles up to mid-calf height. A woman stands in the middle of the room, trying to decide where to begin.
A woman is waiting in a long line. Everyone in the line is holding stacks of cash. At the end of the line is a counter. Above the counter is a sign that reads “Housing.” When the woman gets to… Read morePlay a Day: In and Out
A Woman at a bank puts items in a safety deposit box. She leaves. A personification of Anxiety follows her. Anxiety: Are you sure you put the envelope back in the box after you checked inside it? Woman: Yes Anxiety:… Read morePlay a Day: This is what anxiety feels like
A woman sits in a ball pit. Behind her, a YouTube video about how to learn to juggle plays on a projection screen.
A bedroom. Stage left, a desk and chair. A large red neon sign blinks: “Art” Stage right, a bed. A large blue neon sign blinks: “Sleep” A woman stands center stage, looking from one side to the other. Sheepishly, she… Read morePlay a Day: Priorities
A giant fish tank, the like of which you would see in an aquarium. It is filled with small bits of paper with tasks written on them. It bears a label reading “Everything.” A smaller fish bowl, in which a single… Read morePlay a Day: Something > Nothing
Once I’m feeling overwhelmed, it starts to feel like nothing will ever change and my options for making a difference in my own life are limited. All I can think of are the reasons I can’t do things or why even if I tried it wouldn’t matter because of course I’m just a failure and incompetent at life.
In other words, my brain lies to me.
Stress also makes me feel tired and fatigued, which makes me able to do less because I lack the mental and/or physical energy.
Which only feeds the cycle more.
Because my brain can then say, “See? You can’t even do your laundry or keep up with the dishes or clean the cat box. How will you ever manage X, Y, or Z?”
Then, the stress and guilt from not being able to do even the simplest adult tasks piles onto my other stress and makes me feel even more that I ought to just stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head forever.
Someone told me that when poor people actually manage to have money, they don’t know what to do with it and it becomes a source of stress. That’s kind of how I feel right now.
I have a couple hundred dollars in my bank account somehow, and I will get another couple hundred before the end of the month.
About half of that I will need to help cover rent and bills at the first of the month, but I’m so used to not having any money, or having just enough to buy gas and groceries that it’s still weird.
I feel like the first step toward achieving a goal is to state it in some concrete way. I’m still waiting for my Passion Planner in the mail, so I might as well do it here for now. Here are… Read moreThings I Want