Kate Bornstein has had a profound effect on my life in a way she may never know (unless I decide to get brave and tweet this post @ her). In September, I saw Kate Bornstein is a Queer and Pleasant Danger as a part of the Austin Gay & Lesbian Film Festival. In the film, […]
I never feel quite so Western as in those moments when I’m confronted with Asian modes of performance. So it’s only fitting that the second night of OUTsider Festival in Austin featured a performance by Prumsodun Ok, a practitioner of Cambodia’s Khmer classical dance. I think it’s important to be aware of and claim those moments […]
As it’s gotten closer to Valentine’s Day, I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships and love and labels. My partner and I are polyamorous. But not in the sense of the traditional poly narrative. Polyamory seems to have become more prominent in the cultural consciousness of late, but a lot of our discussions about it still […]
2015 is a bad time to be a worker. Not only is the minimum wage well below a living wage, but corporations seem determined to erode the rights of laborers wherever and however they can, and the government keeps siding with them. In December, the Supreme Court ruled 9-0 in favor of Amazon, saying that […]
Sometimes, despite the best of intentions, we can’t completely rid ourselves of the negative messages we internalize from our native cultures. Even when we know better, even when we’ve done the self-work, even when on a good day we love and accept ourselves, there are still moments which elicit knee-jerk, immediate reactions to stimuli. Moments where […]
My Passion Planner came in the mail yesterday. Finally! They’ve been having a lot of shipping issues, and I was doing my best to be patient, but I could not have lasted much longer with only a few pieces of computer paper as my planner. I have too much to do! And boy, is that […]
Still getting back in touch with my sexuality at the moment. To catch everyone up to speed, I’ve been on birth control since 2010 to control pre-menstrual symptoms. I always had rough periods, even as a teenager. The kind which necessitate curling up with a heating pad and blanket on the couch and taking copious […]
I know that when I first started cooking for myself in college, it was usually something like boxed rice a roni or mac n cheese + frozen vegetable + canned beans or tuna or salmon most of the time. Needless to say, I’ve come a long way.
And yes, it’s true that there isn’t much in the way of compelling recipes for one and that making a recipe that feeds 6-8 feed only one instead is not worth the effort. But that doesn’t have to mean you’re relegated to take out, delivery, and wasted food.
I’ve been cooking for myself for almost ten years now, and I promise, it gets better. Like any other skill – practice makes perfect.
Once I’m feeling overwhelmed, it starts to feel like nothing will ever change and my options for making a difference in my own life are limited. All I can think of are the reasons I can’t do things or why even if I tried it wouldn’t matter because of course I’m just a failure and incompetent at life.
In other words, my brain lies to me.
Stress also makes me feel tired and fatigued, which makes me able to do less because I lack the mental and/or physical energy.
Which only feeds the cycle more.
Because my brain can then say, “See? You can’t even do your laundry or keep up with the dishes or clean the cat box. How will you ever manage X, Y, or Z?”
Then, the stress and guilt from not being able to do even the simplest adult tasks piles onto my other stress and makes me feel even more that I ought to just stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head forever.
Someone told me that when poor people actually manage to have money, they don’t know what to do with it and it becomes a source of stress. That’s kind of how I feel right now.
I have a couple hundred dollars in my bank account somehow, and I will get another couple hundred before the end of the month.
About half of that I will need to help cover rent and bills at the first of the month, but I’m so used to not having any money, or having just enough to buy gas and groceries that it’s still weird.