A woman is waiting in a long line. Everyone in the line is holding stacks of cash. At the end of the line is a counter. Above the counter is a sign that reads “Housing.” When the woman gets to the front of the line, she hands the teller her stack of money. She waits […]
Haven’t meant to neglect this, but a lot has been happening. A lot. Trying to cover OUTsider Festival and do bookselling for several off-site conferences made me realize my current lifestyle isn’t as sustainable as I wanted to think it was. Between working and trying to maintain any semblance of intimate relationships, I’ve had to […]
Someone told me that when poor people actually manage to have money, they don’t know what to do with it and it becomes a source of stress. That’s kind of how I feel right now.
I have a couple hundred dollars in my bank account somehow, and I will get another couple hundred before the end of the month.
About half of that I will need to help cover rent and bills at the first of the month, but I’m so used to not having any money, or having just enough to buy gas and groceries that it’s still weird.
Overall, life is going better for me. Being in therapy is making me realize how far I’ve come with developing coping mechanisms, and that’s positive. I am slowly creating the kind of life I want. Just more slowly than I thought.
I’m still not where I want to be creatively. It’s just hard to have the brain space to think about crafting performances when I work so much. And I have some creative people in my life, but I’m not surrounded by a creative community like I was when I was in school. It feels harder. I am rusty and less brave or willing to make mistakes as a result.
I started house cleaning again to better make ends meet. I decided to charge more for it this time around, because I think part of the reason I burned out last time is that I was undervaluing my time. I wasn’t sure whether anyone would bite, but it seems the kind of people who can pay […]
I work for an independent bookstore. So, while I’m keeping my Amazon wishlist as a helpful archive of information, needless to say, my book purchases from them have stopped. As I get older, I think more and more about the saying that you vote with your dollars. I don’t have a lot of them to […]
I’ve watched this video before, where the narrator compares his depression to a black dog who follows him around. Mine feels more like an estranged relative who decides to drop by for a visit even when they know they’re unwelcome. I thought I was just stressed and overworked. But yesterday I had a complete meltdown when I […]
It’s bizarre to me that buying myself $10 of cheap vegetables can feel decadent. Maybe I’ve never been quite this poor before. In college there was student loan money every semester and free pizza at club meetings or free food left in the Fine Arts office. In graduate school I didn’t have to drive my […]
Lately I’ve been struggling with time management. With the bookstore gearing up for conferences and events this fall, I’m having to figure out if I can cut back hours on my other main part-time job. My attention is too divided. It turns out I can’t work three jobs and really be good at any of […]
I realized yesterday that watching a movie after work was the only real time I’ve had to myself in over a week. Been picking up extra odd jobs and such to make up for one boss being out of town 2 weeks this month and other job being slow. Between that and trying to keep […]