I’ve had several people now tell me they think I’m brave. Most recently, a professor and mentor who was also somewhat of a surrogate maternal figure when I was in college. I never honestly know how to feel about such pronouncements, and my initial emotional response is that of denial mixed with gratitude. Objectively, to […]
According to the Trevor Project, suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for young people ages 10-24, and LGBTQ youth are four times as likely to attempt suicide as their straight peers. High school is a difficult time for a lot of young people, and LGBTQ youth especially. It can be easy to feel […]
Kate Bornstein has had a profound effect on my life in a way she may never know (unless I decide to get brave and tweet this post @ her). In September, I saw Kate Bornstein is a Queer and Pleasant Danger as a part of the Austin Gay & Lesbian Film Festival. In the film, […]
Once I’m feeling overwhelmed, it starts to feel like nothing will ever change and my options for making a difference in my own life are limited. All I can think of are the reasons I can’t do things or why even if I tried it wouldn’t matter because of course I’m just a failure and incompetent at life.
In other words, my brain lies to me.
Stress also makes me feel tired and fatigued, which makes me able to do less because I lack the mental and/or physical energy.
Which only feeds the cycle more.
Because my brain can then say, “See? You can’t even do your laundry or keep up with the dishes or clean the cat box. How will you ever manage X, Y, or Z?”
Then, the stress and guilt from not being able to do even the simplest adult tasks piles onto my other stress and makes me feel even more that I ought to just stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head forever.
Perhaps I’m cynical, but sometimes it feels like there’s a cycle. One or more LGBTQ teens kill themselves, the media has their heyday, people get up in arms for a few weeks, and then we all return to our lives. Until the news cycle catches wind of another heart wrenching story.
Nothing, however, ever really changes. Or the changes don’t ripple far enough to save troubled teens like Leelah. This article by Mintpress News compares the rash of deaths of transgender individuals to a genocide, highlighting its rampant and violent nature.
Every year we celebrate the Transgender Day of Remembrance, but does the list of names ever really get smaller? And that list doesn’t take into account the transgender individuals whose lives were lost due to violence against themselves, like Leelah’s.
Many people probably recognize Kate Bornstein’s name from her books, including Gender Outlaw and My (New) Gender Workbook. She was also the second woman to ever receive a degree from Brown University. An author, performance artist, gender theorist, activist, and self-proclaimed trans-dyke, Bornstein has been an inspiration to many in the gender non-conforming community for […]
I’ve watched this video before, where the narrator compares his depression to a black dog who follows him around. Mine feels more like an estranged relative who decides to drop by for a visit even when they know they’re unwelcome. I thought I was just stressed and overworked. But yesterday I had a complete meltdown when I […]
I’ve been an emotional person for as long as I can remember. I’m more easily drawn to tears than others. When I feel a strong emotion, whether it’s anger, sadness, frustration, jealousy, disappointment, or even happiness, it all seems to flood out my eyes. I learned early growing up that many view tears as a […]
I know I cannot speak for everyone; perhaps some who attempt or complete suicide don’t care. All that follows is based on my own experience. But I feel it is important to break the silence in this instance, to come out against the myth that suicide equals not caring for one reason: I know I did. I wish I could express how deeply and profoundly it’s possible to care. I wish I had words for the guilt compounding already unbearable pain and desperation.
For those who are grieving over the loss of a loved one to suicide, I want to say I feel sure they loved you very much. I am sure the thought of you kept them going for many days, weeks, or months longer than they would have otherwise. They also knew you loved them, and there is nothing you could have said or done to stop them. But love isn’t always enough.
Doing better today. I noticed that when I was keeping busy at work Sunday I felt better, so I forced myself to do some things around the house I didn’t want to Monday. I think it helped. Getting something accomplished quells the voice in my head telling me what a failure I am as an […]