Can I just say, “Holy Hell, how did this happen?!?”
Wasn’t it just November yesterday?
I really thought I would have found a new job by January. That was kind of the plan in my head even if I hadn’t set it in stone.
And while I looked and applied some yesterday, there isn’t a lot out there in the area that won’t just end up being “second verse, same as the first.”
I’d rather not spend effort training to do a job that has as much to do with anything I care about as this one (which is negligible).
But I also really hate my job.
I am feeling so creatively blocked.
Do you know it’s been three years at least since I’ve been in a play?
Sure, I’ve done some workshops while in graduate school, but that’s too long for me.
I really need a creative outlet – crocheting and sewing aren’t cutting it anymore.
Maybe writing this blog isn’t even cutting it anymore.
There is some community theatre around, but it’s all mainstream and musicals from what I can tell. I want to create new work or do challenging pieces, and I don’t know that there’s much of that in town outside of the University.
I just want to feel that I’m using my brain or my heart or my creativity at all.
And I don’t at work.
I feel like my life is ticking by. How has it already been almost eight months since I graduated?
And what have I accomplished?
I suppose living on my own for real and holding down a full time job for the first time is something, but I feel like I’m running in place.
I want to move forward.
But I don’t know how.
I get a sinking feeling in my chest every time the thought crosses my mind that maybe the job I have is the best job I can get.
Around here, it just might be.
I need to get out of here. That much is clear.
But to where? And doing what?
Those are questions I don’t know the answer to yet.
In other news, the D&D group I play with Monday nights has started playing Chore Wars. (http://www.chorewars.com) And getting XP for things like doing the dishes and feeding the cat makes the daily drudgery feel a little more exciting and useful. Plus, the competition and the fact that other people will be able to see if I don’t brush my teeth or clean the litterbox might actually keep me honest and the apartment a little bit cleaner.
But I really need to figure out the next step.
And I could use all the help I can get in figuring out what that is.