Another chapter in the “Being Poor Sucks” anthology.

Using, I figured out that part of my problem is that I only accounted for monthly expenses in my budget. Less frequent expenses, like haircuts, oil changes, and renewing my car registration, mean I would need to make at least another $100 a month.

Which explains why I’m always pulling money from my savings and trying to put it back.

I have a lead on an editing job, but right now I am using Linux since Windows is impossibly slow on my current laptop. (Seriously, it once took me 40 minutes to open and print a document). 

But the woman who might hire me says Word is the editing standard. So, either I have to suffer through Word on my laptop, figure out the functionality of the Word Android app, or buy a new laptop.

Except I need this job because I don’t have enough money right now.

And this month is already full of extra expenses.

I have to renew my car registration and get my car inspected. But my car also burns oil, so I’m afraid it won’t pass the emissions testing. If it doesn’t I have to try to pay to get it fixed, and the mechanic who would fix it for cheap with junkyard parts is having his own crises and can’t do it right now.

Plus, the Nuva Ring I got from Planned Parenthood has killed my sex drive, so I have to make another appointment and pay another $65 to get on something else.

I can’t really call in sick on the days I’m curled up in a ball with severe menstrual cramps and trying not to throw up. But the loss of libido is too stressful for me emotionally to handle any longer. So birth control also feels like a necessity.

I could try to get rid of my car, but I’m still not bike-savy enough to use the bike lanes. And not having a car would limit my ability to see friends or eat up more of the “free” time I don’t have travelling to and from one of my jobs. The job I want to quit, but which I can’t until I know if this editing gig works out, and if so, how many projects I am likely to get in a month.

I don’t know if Zip Cars or Cars to Go might be a viable alternative. Right now, owning a car is costing me at least $150 a month. So that’s 10-15 hours of driving a month, depending which I went with. Cars 2 Go allows one-way trips, but Zip Car is cheaper per hour. The flexibility would probably be more useful to me. So that’s 2.5 hours a week of driving which might be doable?

Except one of my current odd jobs is in Round Rock.

I just feel like there’s no way to win. I have no idea how to make $100-200 more a month without working myself into the ground.

Already, I don’t really have any hobbies to speak of, and it takes effort to hang out with friend(s) once or twice a week.

I just don’t know what to do.

Is there ever a point where I won’t feel trapped by my circumstances?

I don’t necessarily feel depressed. Just overwhelmed. It’s hard to fit in self-care or find the headspace for creative projects right now. At least I’m writing more, but I need to be working less for the sake of my mental health. I just can’t afford it.

There are good things about my life that I enjoy, but lately, it feels like the bad things are holding a little more weight.


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