cw: sexual abuse, emotional abuse I have this growing realization of this thing that I have to deal with at some point. It’s something I’ve been putting off dealing with for a long time. But you can’t contain trauma; it seeps through the cracks of any container you try to put it in. The spillover […]
The Gardener
About two hours of pulling weeds at a time is all I can stand. Then I need to rest. Our rent house has several big, beautiful raised garden beds in the front and back of the house. The landscaping is one of the things I loved at first sight, and one of the reasons I […]
The Planner
Today on the playground a little girl ran up to myself and another TA. “So-and-so and so-and-so won’t play with me!” she said. “I keep asking and asking and they keep saying no.” All we could do was validate her feelings and explain that sometimes other kids won’t want to play, and then you have […]
Yoga and Trauma
I’ve been doing yoga off and on for over a decade. In some ways, tonight felt like my first class. Tonight is the first time in memory that I have not had to abort a sequence to go into child’s pose multiple times during a class. Granted, it was not a flow class, but that […]
Self-Regulation as Privilege
I don’t know if this is the next step, but right now I’m feeling a lot of anger. Especially towards my ex, but also just in general feeling angry about any situation where I was expected to be able to regulate my emotions in a neurotypical way. Because I’ve been living in this stark contrast […]
Anxiety and Trauma
I attended a psychodrama workshop two weeks ago. It was a transformative experience for me, and I keep trying to think of a way to consolidate it here, but I can’t. Drama therapy is experiential, and reading about psychodrama myself didn’t prepare me for how powerful it would turn out to be. Long story short, […]
When Things Fall Apart
I’ve been reading Pema Chodron’s book When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times. I’m both glad to be reading it and simultaneously quite uncomfortable and not sure I am able to understand and internalise everything she is saying. I’ve been going through a lot of big changes in the past year. Starting a […]
Having Your Sh*t Together
I’ve been thinking a lot the past few days about maturity and responsibility. I often find people surprised by my age, thinking I am older than I am because I seem to reliably have my shit together. And no one keeps it together 100% of the time, but I really do try. And then I […]